The boy who sat in front of me….Part 1

This is a story of my dearest friend whom I called as my real “boyfriend”.

I’ve known him since I was 7. We were in a same primary school. He, was  like the other boys grew up in a kampung – like me. Our school was rather small, 2 classes for each grade. So, we literally knew each other’s family & history. We had so much fun when we were kids. The fields was our ipad, the small jungle was our google. We took small van pack with kids to school everyday. Gosh…I miss those days. Back to my dearest friend.

I noticed his presence only when I was 8, where he was sitting in front of me. He was very small with cute face. He looked like a very good boy, the type who obeys their parents but not being spoiled. He was really quiet as far as I could remember…and very shy. He seldom talked to us. And he don’t even have close friend at that time (not yet). He wore this traditional black malay hat (songkok) everyday to school…in fact he’s the only one wearing that to school. My curiosity risen everyday about this one boy in front of me. But, I did not have the gut to talked to him. Maybe because he normally looking down or some where else instead of looking back at me. Or maybe he felt shy or intimated by the way am looking at him. Hahaha…maybe….till one day….when it’s all started.

We have one music teacher who was kind of scary (not to me…not really…). He loved to tease his students but in a very unique style. May I just say, we all scared of him. We hate Wednesdays because of the music class. Hahaha. But, the teacher was nice to me. He called me “kakak”, and loved to comb my hair. Hahahaha, weird…isn’t it? Apparently, this music teacher was also my adopted brother…hahahahahaha…in Malay…Abang Angkat….well…that will be a different story. Back to my friend….

So, on one fine Wednesday….my abang angkat walked around the class to check on our assignment…when he suddenly stopped next to him. With this scary voice, the teacher asked him something about his work. I can’t recall what it was all about, but the boy was trembling (who’s not?). A few minutes later, I felt something warm under my table….I looked down and I saw a small pool of water under the table and it came from the boy who sat in front of me. I looked at him, and to my suprised I saw tears in his eyes. That moment, at that very moment…I felt something deep inside my heart. A feeling that is hard to explain. I don’t feel bad for him, but I feel like I want to protect him. When the girl next to him scream telling the teacher that the boy’s urine bag had burst, little that I can do to help him. And little that I know, that this boy is special. Alhamdulillah, the teacher helped him to the toilet and I helped to wipe the floor… And Alhamdulillah, the boy managed to undergo for a surgery and soon after that, he was a normal boy…..He maybe turn to a  normal boy…but to me, he is still the special one…….

To be continued….part 2.


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My first note to my angel

My dear angel….my beautiful angel…

Before I started to write this to you, I thought it will not be as difficult as writing a love note to your babah. Haha…Apparently, am wrong. Writing the first ever note to you is more difficult, coz I have a lot to tell you. But, since this is the first….mama will make it simple ya. I promise to write more for you later.

Sayang, you were 3 last month (27.08.2014) and mama took a day off to celebrate your birthday with you & babah. I can’t believe how fast the time flies. Alhamdulillah, you turn out to be healthy and adorable…at least for mama & babah.

It is fun to be able to communicate with you and alhamdulillah, you did speak clearly. Though you started a bit late, as most of the time you prefers to scream (yeah, scream my dear) and nag…but once you open your mouth, it’s all words…clear words. Alhamdulillah…

You are extremely manja with babah…as babah really spoil you, and mama needs to step up to be the bad guy. I need to sayang….coz I love you and I want you to be a good girl. Alhamdulillah, you are also quite attached to mama. Babah is more like your game buddy, and mama is more like your sleep buddy, shower buddy, painting buddy (mama yg terlebih painting than you did…hahaha. I love coloring activity!).

We love you dearly sayang. No words could describe how you meant to us. We thank Allah every single day to have you in our lives. A beautiful gift from Him. We pray to Allah to be given the rezeki to get you a baby sister or brother. And we will work hard for it. It will be fun to have few Safiyya’s minion in the house..

Till the next post my dear…I love you so much.



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Did you ever??

Did you ever…once in your life…pray that you would wake up in the morning…and be some one else?? I did….and would love to wake up as a baby…and stay as a baby…forever!! hahahahahha…nite everyone!!!

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Seeking the way back home…before it’s too late.

Born as a Muslim. Raised as a Muslim…even though most of the basic teaching was learnt from Sekolah Agama. But am not blaming my parents for it. They may not be the ustaz or ustazah, but they did sent me and my siblings to certified teacher to learn the basic needs as a Muslim….the Tauhid, Ibadah, Adab, Tajwid, Muamalah, Faraid, Munakahat….all at basic level.

Am lucky enough to be accepted in a boarding school where Islamic way of life were  practiced and implemented as part of the school rules & regulation. The sweet voice reciting Al-Quran every morning and evening created such a harmony atmosphere and tranquality. It reminds you to quickly clean up and gather at the surau for the congregational prayer. Girls in telekung, walking in groups while chit chatting to surau. Boys were more relax in terms of attire. Back then, it was so beautiful. How I miss those days.

Time passed by, I met and make new friends during university time. All with different life background, distinctive personality, numeruos interesting stories and what not. I learn to listen and choose either to accept or to decline. It was when I realized that the number of my trusted friends has been decreased.

There were many plans that were not executed as what I’ve pictured it. I’ve been tested mentally and physically before in my life since I didn’t know what is A,B,C. And Allah, The Most Merciful….wake me up with the greatest test first ever in my life, when the one plan and dream that were not in my favor. He showed me the way to search for real love. He reminds me that He deserve all the love from me, His servant. It took me years to overcome the sadness, which  I myself find it ridiculous.

Married and blessed to have a beautiful angel, greatest gift from Allah, my focus is now getting more towards family. Which give me ample of time to do more thinking especially at night. Browsing and searching for certain answers that lingers in my head about elevating our current life style, brought me to a different story which not anywhere near to my main intention.

Lately, I’ve been reading about special people whom Allah had gave His precious gift – Hidayah. Read about a man who was so into his believe, that there is no such thing as God. And with Allah wills, he turned to a very pious man. A nurse, who took care of a muslim man whose fighting his life due to alzheimer, was drawn with this man’s undoubtful love towards Islam. She was then found her answers and Islam has been her new way of life thereafter.

The stories were about those who was not born and raised as a Muslim. They have no clue of what is Islam. Some might have a negative impression about Islam. But they are amongst those who has been choosen by Allah to embrace the beauty of Islam. The light that came to these people was delivered in many ways that some was even beyond the norm.

I read the stories with mix of feelings. I felt small and ashamed of myself. For I’ve known Islam longer that my new brothers and sisters. I’ve learnt about Islam at a very young age. I was given opportunities to prepare myself to face Allah one day. I was given the answers to all the questions. But….I tend to delay it. Half of my life….was no difference from them who didn’t know about Islam. I choose not to listen, I choose to put a hold on His callings. Ignorance – is best to describe it.

I felt envy…the fact that they could really feel the peace of Islam. For the fact they could see the beauty of Islam. They didn’t just feel and see it, but understand and embrace it. Indeed, they are the choosen one.

Ya Allah, the Most Merciful…. I’ve been wondering all along, blindly searching for answers that long was given to me. I close my eyes, not listening, I shut the door….and am not at ease… Am longing for the inner peace, longing for your mercy. I want to taste the sweetness of your love..eternal love. I can’t turn back time but I don’t know how to move on. Am seaching for the light when everything are so clear. How arrogant, ignorant person I’ve become.

Ya Allah, The Almighty….for the time that left on me in this world, with my humble heart that You’ve created, I seek for your mercy to give me the chance to experience the sweetest taste of loving You, Allah. For that little time left on me, I seek for your forgiveness Ya Allah for being ignorant, for not thanking you enough for everything, for making excuses to answer your call, for delaying my duty as Your servant.

I know i didn’t deserve your Jannah, but I know Ya Allah – You hear every prayer and You  are the Most Forgiving…Ya Allah, I seek for your mercy to show me the way home to You….before it’s too late. Amin.

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This is how it begins…

I put a lot of thought in getting this started. Year after year….one story to another….and people around me keep telling me the same old thing….”Your life is full of drama…” 

Well….aren’t we all? Just maybe, maybe…..mine could be a lit bit more color than others….or could it be lesser?

It took me almost 20 mins to write the 1st 2 short paragraph..phew!!! and that is my real problem. I have so much to share, so many stories to tell….but I ain’t a good writer…..but am pretty sure, I am a very good story teller….

So here’s the issue, how am I able to tell my story and present it in writings? Can it be as exciting as how I use to verbally share with my friends? How do I add a body to the language…well, body languange is pretty easy….but in writing? How do i do that? The tone, the expression, the gestures….huhhhhhh…

But am gonna try…..this time….I will pursue my dreams….to be able to write my story….and those people around me….something that could be permenantly preserved….but please….do not expect too much from me….coz I am Barely A Writer…

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